Being at home my mom and I have had alot of time to catch up and talk. She told me things I never knew about the past and the separation/divorce which was almost 15 years ago. We also talked about the present and future, where we would find ourselves in 10 years and such. Now in high school and the first couple of years of college my mother did not want me to get involved with anyone. Her rational was that I needed to concentrate on my studies and that I was too young to understand what love was. After my junior year in college she started asking me who am I dating and when can she expect a wedding.
I avoided these discussions like the plague, cause I knew what the end result would be. I would explain that i was not interested and that I am not getting married... big mistake. First, she tried to bring up that my life is already laid out by God and I really have no choice; Second, if i will not get married I should start planning when I would go to the convent to become a nun (born and raised Catholic).
Well undergraduate is behind me and I am ready for graduate school which is right around the corner. So my mother has been getting at me to go out with my friends, meet people, and date. I really haven't come out to her but i think she is starting to hint at my sexuality. She talks about marriage, compromise, and children constantly and ignores my comments on those subjects.
I started to realize on television shows and some of my friends would talk about how since they were little they dreamed/imagined this fabulous wedding and exactly how it will be. I never imagined or dreamed of the "perfect" wedding for myself. I am way too independent to think about committing myself to a person in that way. I also have little faith in the whole concept of "forever" as it is used in marriage/commitment ceremonies. Statistically half of marriages do end up forever but half of them don't. And not one couple in my family both mom and dad's side are still together... unless you consider my grandfather's many wives back home in West Africa.
I am 23 trying to understand me, I am living in the present. The past just left me and the future is ahead of me. Right now I love the way things are going and am not thinking of a "forever" commitment... Maybe something or someone will change my mind the the future but right now i cannot imagine it.
2 comments:
I must say I loved your mother's comment on you preparing for the convent. Why do African parents insist on one committing to either God or a husband. There is is no box number 3 that reads stay single.
With my mother I used to hint often that I was not going to settle down with a guy. When the talk of grand kids picked up I told her I was adopting (An idea that she wholly disapproves of). I came out to her not too long ago and she has not asked me about either since. My sister is now the one fielding questions. As far as my extended family is concerned I'm way behind schedule (no man or prospect and no kids).
It's only been in the past year that I've given some thought to settling down and my ideal wedding. That's probably because a good many of my mates have taken the stroll down the aisle in that time frame. I'm no longer as averse to the idea of settling down but I don't foresee myself settling down any time soon. I'm too much of a free spirit and still need a lot of work before I'm partner material.
I, too, never dreamed of a wedding. The sad part is that I was engaged at one point, lol. I guess that's why I had such a hard time planning it!
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