No matter what I do in life you will be there to criticize and judge me.
No matter how kind I am you will always be there trying to pull me down.
No matter if you are my friend or not you will be mad if I do not share my business with you.
No matter what I do it is never enough for you.
What you want and what I want may not ever be the same.
What I've built in my life cannot come down easily or at all, not by you.
When will you stop being selfish?
Well guess what?
When it comes to me it is not about you its about me. I am not weak without you because I am strong on my own. I will make my own decisions and mistakes. I will be ok! Because I am me!
31 May 2010
30 May 2010
29 May 2010
So life begins... Or does it?
Hey beautiful people! It has been two weeks since I graduated. I really do not feel much different until I realize that I actually did it. I will be watching TV or driving and abruptly I start break dancing because I remembered I graduated... LOL yes break dancing even in the car! I'm so excited! Yay!
On Wednesday I sat for my board/ licensing exam and and and I PASSED! Yay me! Now I'm dancing again! LOL! It was really stressful for me to sit for the exam because everyone talked about how it is a difficult exam and most people fail it the first time. I am glad that the exam is over with. Now its official I am a licensed professional. Wow! I'm all that? (Raising my hand) can I go back to school now? No seriously!
The graduation went as expected. My older brother and his wife acted like it was about them, my father showed me off like I was art work, my mom was my mom, my sister was sad because I am leaving her soon, my younger brother was there yay!... And the same. But I managed to make it through the ceremony and through dinner so we did good.
Now I am actively looking for a job in the DC, MD, VA, and PA areas. I am leaning toward DC but any will do because they are all so close to each other. I am also looking for an apartment. Apartment= stress-free, more cooking, pets, and aaaahhhhhhhhhh! LOL does that last one make sense to you all?... That will be the sound I will make every time I walk in to my apartment.
In other news...
-My father wants to have the "talk" with me on Monday. I am assuming the "talk" is about marriage because he brought it up at my graduation. Knowing my father he probably has the man and marriage arranged for me. But we are not that close so for him it is probably a big deal to talk to me about it. He does not know I am a lesbian because when I came out to my mother she asked me not to tell any extended family or my father because the blame would be put on her. I've respected her wishes since I've been living in her home. I won't tell him Monday unless he figures it out. He has seen my girlfriend a couple of times so maybe he figured it out. Who knows!
-I need a vacation! Anyone else? I am going on a weekend trip next weekend but I need like a 7 day out of country vacation to get away from the hustle and bustle that my life has been for the past month.
Have a wonderful sun filled holiday weekend!
P.S. Thank you everyone for the congrats! and Thank you Ty for the blog shout out!
~Evolving
On Wednesday I sat for my board/ licensing exam and and and I PASSED! Yay me! Now I'm dancing again! LOL! It was really stressful for me to sit for the exam because everyone talked about how it is a difficult exam and most people fail it the first time. I am glad that the exam is over with. Now its official I am a licensed professional. Wow! I'm all that? (Raising my hand) can I go back to school now? No seriously!
The graduation went as expected. My older brother and his wife acted like it was about them, my father showed me off like I was art work, my mom was my mom, my sister was sad because I am leaving her soon, my younger brother was there yay!... And the same. But I managed to make it through the ceremony and through dinner so we did good.
Now I am actively looking for a job in the DC, MD, VA, and PA areas. I am leaning toward DC but any will do because they are all so close to each other. I am also looking for an apartment. Apartment= stress-free, more cooking, pets, and aaaahhhhhhhhhh! LOL does that last one make sense to you all?... That will be the sound I will make every time I walk in to my apartment.
In other news...
-My father wants to have the "talk" with me on Monday. I am assuming the "talk" is about marriage because he brought it up at my graduation. Knowing my father he probably has the man and marriage arranged for me. But we are not that close so for him it is probably a big deal to talk to me about it. He does not know I am a lesbian because when I came out to my mother she asked me not to tell any extended family or my father because the blame would be put on her. I've respected her wishes since I've been living in her home. I won't tell him Monday unless he figures it out. He has seen my girlfriend a couple of times so maybe he figured it out. Who knows!
-I need a vacation! Anyone else? I am going on a weekend trip next weekend but I need like a 7 day out of country vacation to get away from the hustle and bustle that my life has been for the past month.
Have a wonderful sun filled holiday weekend!
P.S. Thank you everyone for the congrats! and Thank you Ty for the blog shout out!
~Evolving
26 May 2010
22 May 2010
My friend NOT my lover
Lately there has been talk about my relationships with my friends. Two of my close friends are brothers and two are lesbian sisters who happen to be doms. We have been getting questions and comments about if we ever hooked up, dated, messed around, or thought of each other sexually. It has gotten to the point that one of my dom friends and her girlfriend broke up because her girlfriend did not like the friendship between myself and her girlfriend. My ex friend has asked me for years if I was attracted to my guy friend and if he made a move what would I do. I'm thinking she was attracted to him but who knows.
Why is it soo taboo to be friends with someone opposite of you? Has a "friend" ever crossed the line with you? Did that make you two any less of friends? How can you have a strong friendship with them if they see you differently?
Why is it soo taboo to be friends with someone opposite of you? Has a "friend" ever crossed the line with you? Did that make you two any less of friends? How can you have a strong friendship with them if they see you differently?
19 May 2010
17 May 2010
13 May 2010
Oh Family!
I know everyone has family drama and it just seems like it never goes away and when you all get together it really seems tense. Well that will be my graduation day and I'm so not looking forward to it. The reason *hit will hit the fan is because if it wasn't for me none of these people would ever come together. In a nutshell it will be tension coming from my mom to my dad, my younger brother to my dad and uncle, my sister... Well you get the picture! I really don't want to go through this on my day but I am preparing for it to happen.
If I had the balls to say anything besides "let's just all get along for me on my big day", I would want to say to brother A: how can you be so heartless. You act like we pooped in your cereal. My mother: GET OVER IT! Its been practically 15 years! Entitlement is bull*hit! Brother B: you have a right to be mad but you can't start healing unless you deal with it. Sister: please don't get tangled in this mess! Dad: you are a dick and your brother is more of a father to us than you are! Grow up and be a father! And last but not least sister in law: mind your business! Some things you need to just let it be!
I feel so much better! I just hope that saturday all of that doesn't come out and we can eat a whole meal in peace.
I realize family drama will never go away unless I remove myself from it and I refuse to do that because they are all good people despite the drama and I love them.
On a good note... Yay! My brother is coming to town! My uncle is the best! Yay! I'm graduating!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
If I had the balls to say anything besides "let's just all get along for me on my big day", I would want to say to brother A: how can you be so heartless. You act like we pooped in your cereal. My mother: GET OVER IT! Its been practically 15 years! Entitlement is bull*hit! Brother B: you have a right to be mad but you can't start healing unless you deal with it. Sister: please don't get tangled in this mess! Dad: you are a dick and your brother is more of a father to us than you are! Grow up and be a father! And last but not least sister in law: mind your business! Some things you need to just let it be!
I feel so much better! I just hope that saturday all of that doesn't come out and we can eat a whole meal in peace.
I realize family drama will never go away unless I remove myself from it and I refuse to do that because they are all good people despite the drama and I love them.
On a good note... Yay! My brother is coming to town! My uncle is the best! Yay! I'm graduating!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
12 May 2010
06 May 2010
Finally starting my life
Hello beautiful people! Its been a while... I want to give you a quick update:
Graduation- 9 days
Assignments- 0 wahoo!
Job interviews- 0 (but hopeful)
Field/internship- OVER WITH!
Job search: alive and well
So that's the graduation/ job hunt update. Things seem to be falling into place and I am happy about it. I accomplished goal #1: education and I am ready to work on my life goals.
I was talking with a friend and we were talking about death and how we would feel if our time was up now... morbid... I know, but a good conversation. I told her that if it were my day to go I would be mad because I feel like besides my education I really have not done much with my life. I would be understanding that it is my time but I still would be curious to know why. I would want to ask St. Peter at the gate of heaven why now?
I feel like the BIG education chapter is finally about to close (not for good) and I have time to work on my life goals.
Goal #2: work on getting all 3 of my social work licenses
Goal #3: learning a language... I'm leaning towards French or Sign language cause I'm not too interested in learning Spanish but we will see!
Goal #4: working with the Peace Corps for a couple of years... Any where over seas but it would be nice to go anywhere in the Caribbean Islands or Africa
Goal #5: travel around the world. I have a pretty long list too. Visiting my home countries are on the top of the list.
That is pretty much it for the big goals right now.
So I've been doing this self reflection on the past 2 years and looking at my growth since grad school started. In every class it was drilled into us that in order to help others effectively we need to learn how to help ourselves. That constant drilling clicked and I've been working on helping myself.
Helping myself has taught me how to be honest with myself and others. I've looked at my past and thought about how I could have handled situations differently knowing what I know now...its been interesting. What I've been struggling with the most is my kindness, guilt when I say no, and change. I've come across many situations with my friends and family that I would say I couldn't do something and I would feel guilty but they would some how finagle me into doing it. I've been working on sticking to no and just taking the brunt of whatever comes my way. Change has come up a lot and all I can say is change happens during enlightenment not persuasion.
Right now I am nervous, excited, and scared but I am ready for what ever may come.
Just exploring me!
~Evolving
Graduation- 9 days
Assignments- 0 wahoo!
Job interviews- 0 (but hopeful)
Field/internship- OVER WITH!
Job search: alive and well
So that's the graduation/ job hunt update. Things seem to be falling into place and I am happy about it. I accomplished goal #1: education and I am ready to work on my life goals.
I was talking with a friend and we were talking about death and how we would feel if our time was up now... morbid... I know, but a good conversation. I told her that if it were my day to go I would be mad because I feel like besides my education I really have not done much with my life. I would be understanding that it is my time but I still would be curious to know why. I would want to ask St. Peter at the gate of heaven why now?
I feel like the BIG education chapter is finally about to close (not for good) and I have time to work on my life goals.
Goal #2: work on getting all 3 of my social work licenses
Goal #3: learning a language... I'm leaning towards French or Sign language cause I'm not too interested in learning Spanish but we will see!
Goal #4: working with the Peace Corps for a couple of years... Any where over seas but it would be nice to go anywhere in the Caribbean Islands or Africa
Goal #5: travel around the world. I have a pretty long list too. Visiting my home countries are on the top of the list.
That is pretty much it for the big goals right now.
So I've been doing this self reflection on the past 2 years and looking at my growth since grad school started. In every class it was drilled into us that in order to help others effectively we need to learn how to help ourselves. That constant drilling clicked and I've been working on helping myself.
Helping myself has taught me how to be honest with myself and others. I've looked at my past and thought about how I could have handled situations differently knowing what I know now...its been interesting. What I've been struggling with the most is my kindness, guilt when I say no, and change. I've come across many situations with my friends and family that I would say I couldn't do something and I would feel guilty but they would some how finagle me into doing it. I've been working on sticking to no and just taking the brunt of whatever comes my way. Change has come up a lot and all I can say is change happens during enlightenment not persuasion.
Right now I am nervous, excited, and scared but I am ready for what ever may come.
Just exploring me!
~Evolving
05 May 2010
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