Missing a friend

Last week my ex-bestie posted some pictures up on facebook. I hadn't heard from her or seen her in almost a year. When I saw the pictures on my facebook news feed I got sad. I asked myself who, what, when, where, and how did we become so distant? I came up empty with every question. I assumed things but I have not one definitive answer to why we are not friends.

I know she took my coming out hard (she cried...?) and after that it seemed to go down hill. Probably due to the fact that I am a lesbian... Or maybe I waited too long to tell her... It really could be anything. I've been told that she was a bad friend for just leaving me hanging like this. But I still miss her... I really do! I have friends now that are awesome but they are just not the ex-bestie.

I was thinking about my past friendships and I've come to realize a trend. I am usually friends with them for a couple of years then something happens to end our friendship. It must be me right?...Yes I know in relationships with individuals there are moments, seasons, and lifetimes. All I've encountered so far are moments and seasons. I have hopes for lifetime but it has not worked out. Hmph...

I was told that I have high expectations for everyone around me. I thought about it and realized that statement is totally untrue. I expect all people to be themselves and do things of their nature. Sometimes that means they choose not to change even if there might be a need for change. In general I think that there are standards that we set for the people we surround ourselves with.

I've been thinking about what general standards I have for the people in my life, I found it to be difficult. I think because I am open minded and willing to learn from anybody I meet. But this is what I came up with. First mean what you say... I do believe what you say so if you say you are going to change then do so. Yes I know change is a process and I will be there to support you, but with me actions speak so much louder than words. Second be a good friend, that's all I'll expect from you. Third I am an advocate for people who do not have a voice and if I could I would volunteer all the time. So if you have a problem with my kind heart then we can't be friends, cause its more than my profession.

So this is where I am. I doubt that I will call her cause she has her reasons. I just wanted to get it off my chest.



~Evolving