Hey beautiful people. I'm coming to you with a question/semi-rant. How do you feel about becoming friends with an ex of yours? I am struggling with this question for many reasons one being blurry lines. In most situations if it is determined that you two are going to establish a relationship, there are lines set determining what is appropriate to do or say after a break up. But what happens if those lines are blurred? How do you fix that or deem the friendship as a bad idea?
In my case all but one of my serious relationships turned into friendships after we broke up. I do not see a problem with this because I know that it is strictly a friendship. A couple of times I caught them being inappropriate it was changed and we moved on. All in all the friendships have worked out. We are not the call everyday type of friends but a call here and there never hurts.
The one ex I am not friends with is very challenging for me. She wants to become friends but every time I try to become friends with her she wants to pretty much know my life story since we broke up. Specifically asking questions like: are you single?, Who is she?, What does she look like?, What are you doing with yourself?, I miss you, type stuff. If only you all can hear her when she says it, it's like she needs that information so that she can function in the world. If I do not tell her... oh she will try and find out things about me. I understand that friendships are about sharing but it's never about interrogation or investigation. Maybe one day we can be friends but right now it's not happening.
I'm not saying that it is ever a good idea to become friends with your ex. It just kind of happened with me. So considering boundaries/lines how do you feel about becoming friends with an ex of yours?
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3 comments:
i am friends with most of my male exs. it wasn't even an issue. we just kinda automatically became friends when the relationship ended. but girls? i'm not friends with either of them. one for obvious reasons. the other? well, we could be friends. this could happen only after a serious conversation with my gf and with clear boundaries set up.
I suppose it depends on why the person is your ex and what exactly you mean by "becoming friends" . I have 3 exs, the first one had to leave the country never to return and we decided to not do the distance thing after trying for a bout 6 months(we were teenagers), so were didn't end on a bad note and still talk occasionally. Number 2 was my longest relationship and the father of my son so as much as I wish I never had to talk to him again I have to remain cordial for my son's sake. Number 3 was a rebound after number 2 and it ended because I didn't think it was fair that he liked me way more than I liked him so we talk occasionally too. All that being said I don't exactly consider myself "Friends" with any of them but we are not enemies but I would not call them to just talk or for advice, nor would I hang out with them because they have all made it clear that they still have feelings for me and I don't want to encourage them.
Friends with the ex....that can be a difficult situation. I have found that in some cases being friends with an ex is just not practical. I have an ex girlfriend (from a long-term relationship), that I didn't speak to for 3 years after the breakup. We started talking again about 1 ago..but I found that sometimes after we talked I had to deal with emotions from thinking about our old relationship..So to make things easier, I will speak if she speaks to me..other than that. I let my ex's go..and don't talk to them. This practice also makes my current relationship flow alot smoother...
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