15 October 2008

Oh those motherly instincts...

You know as a kid when you did something and you had it set in your head that your mom will never find out but some how she does? She doesn't let you know but she drops suttle hints but not on purpose? Well I am kinda getting the hint that my mother's motherly instinct is kicking in. My mother is worrying more than usual which is pretty normal for her at times but she told me today that in what ever i do consult God and not to commit to something unless I am sure. 
It got me thinking on how much my mother knows about me and what she meant by the comment she made. I asked her but she told me just in general and would not explain any further. If she only knew I had so much to talk to her about. I feel like she would be such a friend to talk to in good or bad times but my sister who knows about me told me it wouldn't be a good idea cause she doesn't want to be band from seeing me or I her. I love my sister to death so for her I've been holding my tongue and its hard but ive been doing it.
Like I said before, since high school my mother always wanted me to become a nun. And now I think about that and how if she thought she knew about me then that would make a little sense for her to say, at least to me. My mom is a great person and I am her child so it is hard for me not to tell her anything. She tells me so much and teaches me even more but I feel like I am shutting a part of me off. In turn to protect my relationship with my sister and my mom from worrying about me on a religious sense. 
I asked her if she was open minded and I told her to think about the question and not to respond right away. Even though my mom answered my question about her being openminded and she said she was I didn't really believe her though. I felt like she was just saying that to get information from me. I can't wait until the time is right to talk to my mother. I am not sure that the she will be alright with it, but I am and that is all that matters to me. My mother's acceptance would be good but it's not mandatory...

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