So I've been trying to decide for the past day and a half what the next thing I am going to blog about would be. Well I have all these ideas about what to write but I have no enthusiasm to write about any of it. Right now I am stuck in this rut in a way. 

I woke up this morning with no energy to do anything and although I do not sleep at night on a regular basis I still manage to get up in the morning and do what I have to do. I really do not know what is wrong with me, nothing has drastically changed in my life but I am in a mood. I don't know what to do about it or what brought it on. I guess it could be a whole lot of things going on in my life but I am not sure. I'm just taking it one step at a time.

Love?...

Now every time someone asks me what is love, or have you been in love, or practically any discussion that involves love I tell them: What is love if you never experienced it and when you ask someone to explain it to you they say "I don't know" or "its hard to explain"? I also say that I think it is utterly impossible for two people that are in a relationship to really feel the same about each other at the exact same moment...Impossible! I know love is one of the few things that is complicated in the world. I mean think about it eating and sleeping not too difficult. On the other hand relationships that may lead to a physical and mental connection are difficult. 

Love is a word that is overly used. Think about it... in high school you used to tell your bestest that you love the girl next door or a girl in the school you never met. Or when you get into your first relationship whether it be when you were 10 or 19 years old, what ever the age you say you love that person. Because you thought about the time you spent with that person and the future you might have with that person you say "You know I really love her". Then you say it to her and get super mad if she doesn't say it back or super excited that she did say it back. 
Love is a very dangerous thing to play with because you are dealing with some one's emotions and emotions are emotions! Some people take forever for them to be vulnerable and open their hearts to the person they love. When that person does that they expect the same in return in some form. 

Is communication important to have a potentially loving relationship? So would you say love is in the moment? Something only in passing? Can two people or 3 (how ever you get down) really love each other forever? Or do they just get to a point where they love each other but they are not in love with each other? 


I'm striving to explore me...

Questions, Questions, Questions

Why do we have  to wait for a tragedy to make change?

Why is New Orleans and surrounding communities and states still suffering after 2005 Hurricane Katrina?

Why are there so many boarded up houses in Baltimore City, MD?

Are we not holding the Mayor and Governor accountable for what they said during their campaigns?

What happened to a Good Samaritan?

Why are individuals still being profiled because of the color of their skin?

How is it possible for coworkers to "mind their business" when illegal acts are happening?

N.I.M.B.Y. (Not In My Backyard)? Seriously? How selfish!

Do you not care about the environment? As well as the future for our children and the individuals living here? RECYCLE! DO NOT LITTER!

Why is there soo much inequality?

Is chivalry dead?

Is there such a thing as love?

I'm striving to explore me...

Astrology

On pretty much every website you can look up your sign and today's forecast for your life. You can also look for compatibility charts and usually closely match your personality with what is said about your sign. When I was in high school I was all about the zodiac/astrology thing, I used to make it my life and would really believe it. I would not read my daily horoscopes until the night of my day to see if it really coincided with what happened. 

Now I occasionally read the compatibility charts and equate it with the people I deal with and in some instances IT IS COMPLETELY WRONG and in other instances I can see why that was said about my compatibility with someone else. Today I was reading about my compatibility with some individuals and I really do think what is said about these individuals and I should be completely reversed. I was talking to my sister about it and she made a point that maybe its more than just the sign and the birthday/month. Which i never thought of but makes perfect sense. I think that age, the nature in which you grow up and the sense of self as an individual helps with compatibility. 

I've found out the hard way that you cannot base a relationship on nothing at all. You can try but it will be a struggle the whole way and the end will never come. 

I'm striving to explore me...

Yesterday I had an epiphany driving to watch L Word. Before I left my sister told me that I've been talking different around certain people. That kind of bothered me because I did not realize it. She explain to me exactly how I was talking and the only explanation that I could give her was "wow I hadn't noticed it and I'll make it a point to notice it from now on". Well on the road I told myself "this is stupid", I was thinking about my current situation and how it does not make any sense to me. I then asked myself "why?" and "what's making you continue?", "how can you make it change?". 

All those questions I really did not and do not have an answer to. I felt like I lost track of who "self" was to me. I could pretty much answer the questions I asked myself but at that moment I could not. 

I am striving to explore me...

Needing to find the time to grab hold of my life
Taken in a blink of the eyes
Finding it so hard to let the past go
And no one really knows
Day to day struggle wears me out
Half the time I don't know what about
Answers to my questions undefined
Feelings inside that cannot be denied
No one to turn to for a listening ear
Waking up at night in tears
trapped in cycle that never ends
Here there is no such thing as pretend
Reality bit me in the ass
This was an unexpected crash
Lost in the essence of finding me
Never could answer the question of "ME"

Question

If you knew one of your closest girlfriends was dating a guy that was gay, would you tell her? Friendship is sometimes hard to find and I don't want to loose her friendship. I also do not think that she would believe me... Write me your opinion.