Yesterday I had an epiphany driving to watch L Word. Before I left my sister told me that I've been talking different around certain people. That kind of bothered me because I did not realize it. She explain to me exactly how I was talking and the only explanation that I could give her was "wow I hadn't noticed it and I'll make it a point to notice it from now on". Well on the road I told myself "this is stupid", I was thinking about my current situation and how it does not make any sense to me. I then asked myself "why?" and "what's making you continue?", "how can you make it change?". 

All those questions I really did not and do not have an answer to. I felt like I lost track of who "self" was to me. I could pretty much answer the questions I asked myself but at that moment I could not. 

I am striving to explore me...

Needing to find the time to grab hold of my life
Taken in a blink of the eyes
Finding it so hard to let the past go
And no one really knows
Day to day struggle wears me out
Half the time I don't know what about
Answers to my questions undefined
Feelings inside that cannot be denied
No one to turn to for a listening ear
Waking up at night in tears
trapped in cycle that never ends
Here there is no such thing as pretend
Reality bit me in the ass
This was an unexpected crash
Lost in the essence of finding me
Never could answer the question of "ME"