What about me???

So I know this sounds completely selfish but I think one can be selfish even if it is for a moment. Right now... this is my moment. For the past ummm forever, I've taken the feelings of the people around me before my own. Now I know that is not selfish by far but, when will it be my turn to just think about me and my needs, wants, and desires? I keep telling myself that my day will come but it seems like I am just telling myself a lie.
I know that I am well cared for by everyone in my life but I feel like I settle because I am worried about how others feel. Now writing it down I understand it sounds completely WRONG. But I do feel this way... I asked someone to give me a break to let me just breath for a moment and they feel like I am asking too much of them, like it is impossible. Really? I just cannot wrap my head around it. Now I know somethings are easier said then done but at least try. Please?
To be real it is mostly my fault because I let people think that it is ok when it really is not... I don't really express my feelings as I should. Ladies... I know I am working on it. I really am trying to work on me... it takes time though. I've come to the realization that I am not superwoman and I do need a break, I need ME time. Where it is actually all about ME. Now it is just difficult for me to actually take the well needed break, but I am trying (baby steps, baby steps).
Well it is 2009 and I need to grow as a person and explore me!
~Evolving

Madivinez

Stuck

Everytime I sit down and think about writing nothing helps me get started. I start a sentence or I might get to 3-5 sentences and I say forget it, there is no reason to write how I feel. ON tope of me not wanting people to read how I feel. I have people in my life completely oblivious to what is going on with ME. Although I haven't verbalized it in anyway, I wear my emotions on my sleeve most of the time and asking me doesn't help either because I either say "nothing", or "I don't know"... I need to work on that

~Evolving

LOVE the Poet

Feelings

Of love not death, I am scared
Because you call me beautiful, I am scared

You challenge me, I know

Because you call me special, I am scared  

I challenge you, I hope

You may see me weak, I am scared

I've been hurt, I know

You may see me sick, I am scared

Life is not easy, I know

To be helpless, I am scared

You are wonderful, I know 

We may struggle, I know

Forever may be cut short, I am scared

We may cry, I know

Because i might hurt you, I am scared

We may struggle, I know

Forever maybe cut short,  I am scared...

It was time to leave...

So I gave in my two weeks notice not because I hated working with the girls but because of th neglect abuse and maltreatment of the adolescents I worked with specially the female residents. And I felt mistreated. During my employment there I met many people adolescents and staff. Although I had bad encounters with the staff, I could say that I ignored it until it was just too much. I dealt with the rude, the power tripping, the illegal activity, inappropriate boundaries with the residents, vindictiveness, and two faced people. 

I think I would have stayed for the children but to me it felt like they were trying to get rid of me. I say this because although my job knew I was in graduate school they were not trying to accommodate my school schedule even though they have and still help other employees. That is when i felt like they were trying to get rid of me. I then dropped from 40hrs to 30hrs and drama just got to be too much. Almost 3 weeks ago I gave them my resignation letter and on my last day I told the girls I worked with. They cried and cried I tried to explain and console them. I told them that in order for me to be a therapist or Social Worker/DSS worker I would need to finish school. I do feel like I am abandoning these girls, whole heartedly I do. I had compassion for the girls and frankly no other staff does. But I know that I had to do it.

So it was time to leave and I believe that when one door closes another does open weather it be for me or someone close to me. It did open for someone who has been waiting to hear back from the government. She was cleared and she is soo ready to start working soon. I am glad that the door opened for her and for me everything will come in due time. Since we are all interconnected I just have to wait and see.