I DID IT! WAHOO!

Finally starting my life

Hello beautiful people! Its been a while... I want to give you a quick update:
Graduation- 9 days
Assignments- 0 wahoo!
Job interviews- 0 (but hopeful)
Field/internship- OVER WITH!
Job search: alive and well

So that's the graduation/ job hunt update. Things seem to be falling into place and I am happy about it. I accomplished goal #1: education and I am ready to work on my life goals.
I was talking with a friend and we were talking about death and how we would feel if our time was up now... morbid... I know, but a good conversation. I told her that if it were my day to go I would be mad because I feel like besides my education I really have not done much with my life. I would be understanding that it is my time but I still would be curious to know why. I would want to ask St. Peter at the gate of heaven why now?

I feel like the BIG education chapter is finally about to close (not for good) and I have time to work on my life goals.
Goal #2: work on getting all 3 of my social work licenses
Goal #3: learning a language... I'm leaning towards French or Sign language cause I'm not too interested in learning Spanish but we will see!
Goal #4: working with the Peace Corps for a couple of years... Any where over seas but it would be nice to go anywhere in the Caribbean Islands or Africa
Goal #5: travel around the world. I have a pretty long list too. Visiting my home countries are on the top of the list.
That is pretty much it for the big goals right now.

So I've been doing this self reflection on the past 2 years and looking at my growth since grad school started. In every class it was drilled into us that in order to help others effectively we need to learn how to help ourselves. That constant drilling clicked and I've been working on helping myself.
Helping myself has taught me how to be honest with myself and others. I've looked at my past and thought about how I could have handled situations differently knowing what I know now...its been interesting. What I've been struggling with the most is my kindness, guilt when I say no, and change. I've come across many situations with my friends and family that I would say I couldn't do something and I would feel guilty but they would some how finagle me into doing it. I've been working on sticking to no and just taking the brunt of whatever comes my way. Change has come up a lot and all I can say is change happens during enlightenment not persuasion.

Right now I am nervous, excited, and scared but I am ready for what ever may come.

Just exploring me!

~Evolving

Updates!

Hello Beautiful People!

43 days/ 6 weeks until graduation! Wahoo! 12 days left at my internship and I am sad that I will be leaving the hospital but I am so glad I will be away from my supervisor! If they hire me I would be delighted to work there but we will see. If not I will still leave my resume in every social work department in that hospital... I will I will!

My mother is coming back Easter Sunday from her second "tour of duty" in Haiti. I am glad that she will be back and I a proud of her for what she has committed able to do. She also informed me that she will be going back for tour number 3 in 6 months. These 4 weeks as my sister's guardian has made me question if I really can handle having a child of my own. I mean I practically raised my sister and she is a wonderful individual but I am not sure if I can stay sane with my own child specially if it is a girl... Oh gosh! I worry about my sister constantly. It's gotten to the point that I've already started worrying about her in college and its a whole year away. I feel like a parent and I am only 25 gosh...

I've tried to talk to my sister about me moving out when I graduate and potentially to D.C. She is not too happy about that but I really need to live my life and she really needs to grow up. She won't even learn how to drive. If she doesn't I have no idea how she is going to get back and forth. She says she doesn't have to drive cause "mommy said I don't" but every time I ask her how she plans on getting to and fro to school and places she says "mommy said she will find a way". I feel like she is waiting for the world to do something for her and she has no desire to do anything for herself. What is my mother and sister going to do when my mom is on tour #3? Maybe I'm worrying too much... I feel like the second parent sometimes and I don't like it.

So it is spring time and I've been talking about cutting my hair since the fall. I still haven't decided. I am going back and forth on if locs are really for me. Sometimes I do not think it makes me look attractive. So i was thinking of either cutting all my hair or combing out my locs. I think its crazy for me to even type "combing out my locs" that's crazy and I do not have the patience for all that but i might try. I also think that maybe if I actually do my hair I wouldn't feel the way I do. I was natural for 14 years, relaxer it for 8 years, natural for a year and now locs. I know I do not want to have a relaxer again, I am leaning towards just growing my hair natural sometimes I'll straighten it. I know some people are attached to their hair but I'm just not. Cutting my hair is still on the brain and I am not sure what I am going to do.

I have an interview next Thursday for a D.C. agency. I am actually excited and frightened at the same time. The job is working with children and their families which is the population I want to work with. I've been job hunting since February and this agency is the only one that has called me thus far. I am hoping more will start calling me in the next couple of weeks. I am so afraid of getting stuck in a work rut it's not even funny. I do not like the thought of waking up at the same time... going to work at the same time... getting home at the same time... and going to sleep at the same time... 5 days out of the week! That's just not ok for me AT ALL! I want to be able to have the time to do things in the evening (like take a class towards my Ph.D.) or learn something like my drums or just hang out. I do not want to be sucked into the having to work so much cause i have so many bills thing. I know this is so unavoidable but I just don't like it one bit!

Anyway back to my paper that I've been avoiding for the past hour. Happy Easter! Enjoy your weekend!

~Evolving

Professionalism 101 Chapter 1

So recently I got a new phone or what I call the "professional phone". There were several reasons I changed phones 1) my other phone would not stay charged 2) it had been almost 3 years since I bought my last phone ( which is like 10 years in the technology world) 4) I needed a professional phone 5) I wanted to be able to blog, read, and comment on the go.
So I got myself a Blackberry. Its an awesome phone so far, there really has not been anything that I haven't liked about it. Supposedly I am supposed to be upset because I do not have a camera with a flash but I am not because I rarely take pictures. So I've blogged, emailed, oh and BBMed. This phone is pretty alright!
Do I feel like a professional... Just a little bit. But everyday I feel like a professional more and more. I think this means (according to Ty) I am slowly enrolling into the school of life. I am happy about that!

~Evolving

Updates!

Hello beautiful people! Its been a while... a long long while. I am here for the moment but I cannot promise that I will blog more cause it IS my last semester and you know how that goes.
So the year (2009) has been trying for me but I made it through and I am so glad it is OVER! My life I feel has just begun! I wrote a post in January about how its my turn to choose and I am choosing to be the I best that I can be! So far I've chosen to open up and find me, I've chosen to communicate more (it is a real process!), I've chosen to not only let someone in but let myself be loved, and I've chosen to let go of the stress in my life. The stress in my life has probably been the hardest some times I feel, because of it I cannot live and not living SUCKS!
At the beginning of the year I thought it was going to be a rough end of my education and rough beginning of my profession. I decided to not sweat the small stuff and it has turned around. Classes are going well I enjoy learning and I am definitely doing that. I'm finding it extra tedious to do any type of paperwork or reading I think senioritus has kicked in. I am applying for my Social Work Licensure Test and I fear a rut is in the near future. Being stuck in a rut is one of my big fears and I think starting. In my field will do that to me. I feel that my collegiate learning will come to an end and I really do not want that. My girlfriend told me that I need to take a break from learning... that is going to be hard! I need some type of education so think I want to learn how to play hand drums. I think it will be entertaining while working as a professional. Oh my gosh a PROFESSIONAL!
My first thing that I will do after my graduation (maybe even before) is to find a job with health insurance because that is definitely priority number 1. Priority number 2 is getting my own apartment (long over due!). Priority number 3 is to get my own (no strings/rules attached) car.
My mother went to Haiti for two weeks as a Registered Nurse while she was there she saw my cousins and they were all fine thankfully. We still have not heard from my god sister though. My mother plans to go back at the end of this month for another two weeks as an RN. She did not talk much about her experience much but I do know that she is a strong woman. I commend her strength and her willingness to go back.
I want to plan my graduation celebration but I am not sure what I want to do. Any ideas?
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Updates!

Hello Beautiful People! So this past week we were able to hear from some of our family members in Haiti but not all. We also have not heard anything from my god sister either. I am worried about them all especially that little girl. All we can do is pray and hope that they are all safe. My mother just left a couple of hours ago for Haiti. She is a Registered Nurse and Creole so she volunteered to help. I hope and pray that she will be safe there and admire her for taking action.

Classes started today and I am excited because I am counting down the days (by the way 110/ 16 weeks). I am frustrated because my schedule is messed up. I tried to resolve the issue before classes started but it was not resolved. Books are expensive as always but I am excited to start to making a step in a different direction other than school. Wish me luck!

Peace and Blessings!

~Evolving

learning

Well ladies I did it again. I honestly did not want to do that again. But I can honestly say I learned from it. I am not sure that anyone wants to hear that from their ex, date, lover, or friend but it is the truth.

Last year (read this) was a little rocky for me and i appreciate it because it made me stronger and wiser. I hope for more strength and wisdom this year. I hope I can learn and improve myself from the mistakes I've made. I know that communication is an issue but it is being worked out. Sometimes I feel like I need to be a prick in order to get my point across and that is not in my personality. I am a people pleaser and I've realized that in order for someone to take me seriously things need to change. I'm 25 and I hope to have alot more learning and if I do not I enjoyed what learning I had.

Sorry ladies this post is confusing but I choose not to focus any more on the "should have dones" and the "if I coulds"... I want to focus on the "what I learned" and the "loving, laughing, and living I enjoyed". Apologizes said, no regrets, and no take backs, it is just me learning. My 2010 anthem is still rocking in the background and although people do not like it. It is for me! "Because you never know where life is going to take you and you can't change where you've been but today I have the opportunity to choose. I choose!"

The end of 2009

Hello Beautiful people! Seems like the year went by so fast and now it is coming to a close in a day. As I think about my journey and growth over this past year I realize that I have a lot more growing to do. I accomplished a lot but I also made a lot of mistakes this year. I was able to learn and grow from these mistakes and accomplishments and I hope the new year brings more.

The hardest thing that I learned about myself this year was I have a hard time acknowledging my true feelings and coping with my true feelings. I am not exactly sure the moment this year I realized this but when I did it was really hard for me to comprehend. I knew that from time to time I would sacrifice my feelings to please others. But I did not realize that my feelings were being over looked by not only myself but others. I became disappointed in myself when I realized what I had been doing. This upcoming year I am going to work on coping with my feelings and acting on them. I have some reservations about this because of my own insecurities but until I cope with my feelings I am not going to get far in my growth. I am a pleaser and in order for me to look out for myself and grow in the process I need to start listening to me. I do not want to change what I've been through I just want to improve where I am going to.

Graduation is around the corner in 136 days/20 weeks. I never thought I would make it this far but I am here in one piece. This semester went better than expected and I hope my last semester and finding a job is more of a breeze than a struggle. I usually signify the ending of something in my life and the beginning of something new in my life with a tattoo or piercing. In the past it has brought me good fortune in my new beginnings. I've started my search for a symbol of this moment in my life so that I can get a tattoo... any ideas? I am planning on getting the tattoo before or on graduation day because I feel like it will be bad mojo if I do not.

I will be 25 in some teen days and supposedly I am supposed to start my quarter life crisis... wish me luck!

So as this year ends and the new year begins I go dancing to India.Arie's I Choose. Realizing that the ball has always been in my court and now I have to figure out how to use it. Peace, health, and blessing in the New Year!

~Evolving

Counting Down 194 days/29 weeks

Hello beautiful people! Its been a while... a long while... Right now life in terms of how fast the days are going by is great! Home life sucks and so does my internship life. I am trying to keep a positive attitude about things but I am human and sometimes it slips.

Home life sucks because I am currently my mother's verbal punching bag taking all the hits for no apparent reason. I have come to the conclusion that my mother needs somebody to blame and I happen to be in her crossfire. I have no idea what is wrong with her but I was told that my approach to the situation is insensitive. I then realized that my sensitivity ran short a couple of years ago. It ran out because me being pleasant rarely worked to my advantage. Now I do not know how to sugar coat much and my bluntness is getting nowhere so I choose to just be quiet.

Internship life sucks because I have a controlling supervisor that does not have my best interest in mind. She does not want me to do anything and blocks my progress every step of the way. I tried to get moved around in the hospital and realized that no one at that hospital really does have my best interest in mind. So right now I am choosing to suck it up because if I do not I will not graduate.

Classes are wonderful I am currently not only passing but excelling and I am pretty happy about that. If only classes were over... but soon!

On another note I am so so so ready to cut my locks its ridiculous. I have only been locking for a year and 7 months but for some reason I have an itch to cut them off completely!

Anyway I got to go I should be studying, writing a paper, or maybe even both. Talk to you soon!

Counting Down Overdue Fridays 217days/31weeks

Hello beautiful people! I am coming to you from under my dryer. How are things? What's going on in the world of blogging?

So I've been so busy with school and my internship that I have not had time to tell you what is going on with me. I've been soo soo soo busy that I have not had much time to even breath... CRAZY! I've also been talking about making moves for the future... I need to stop talking about it and actually make the moves! But there just seems to not be enough time in the day... I know I know I have to make time.

Short term: I have to start with the resume and work myself up to finding out what kind of Social Worker I want to be come May 2010. Right now I have NO idea which is a pretty bad. But I have been talking to experienced Social Workers and they have given me some really good ideas. :D

Long term: I am already thinking about me eventually going back to get my PhD in Public Health. Next I have to figure out what I want to do my research on when I go back. But I have time to think about it.

So currently at my internship it is not what I expected but I guess it is going well. My supervisor and I's personalities are clashing BIG TIME but some how we manage to do what we have to do to get the job done. I've talked to so many other Social Workers at my internship and it seems like they have so much more faith in me and my work than my own supervisor. I've been patient and respectful but this week if there are no changes I will have to make some on my behalf... and that is a promise!

Home like is bittersweet my sister is doing excellent I have not seen her cry over life being so difficult in about a year. That is good for me because what I came back home to do is actually working. My mother on the other hand is being a complete jerk... (now i know this sounds bad and to some extent it is but I've gotten some very respected opinions about the situation and they seem to agree). A little bit before school went back in session my mother started treating me differently. Then I brushed it off did what I had to do and went about my business. But now 6 weeks after the fact I am slowly coming to my breaking point.

While re-twisting my locs tonight (which by the way I've been thinking long and hard about cutting my baby locs) I've realized for some reason my mother no longer respects me. And it is apparent in the way she talks to me and even in her non-verbal communication. I am trying to not dwell because I am pretty sure I have not done anything wrong and because I need to get through this semester and year without any extra stress. So home is bittersweet but I am thinking positively about saving money, getting a job, and moving out after I graduate in 217 days.

Anyway I should be studying and sleeping at the same time but I am comfortable under my dryer blogging... But I will take my butt right to bed after I stop by a few of my blogroll's pages.

Goodnight!

Counting Down Friday 246days/35weeks

Hello beautiful people I know I am kind of late with this but it is better late than never. This week ended well I had my first day at my internship and I was pleasantly surprised. The place did not make a good impression on me so I prepared myself for a rocky internship. But when I got there they threw me a welcome breakfast and had welcome banners all over. The whole department came to welcome me and wish me luck. My supervisor was not as horrible as I thought she was going to be which is a plus!

On Tuesday I took my sister to school and realized that Fall is truely here in full force with morning mist, cold temps, and TRAFFIC. Traffic is not my favorite thing but over here there is NO escaping it... its pretty impossible unless your day starts a midnight. One of my classes are overwhelming me with information so I am trying to review throughout the week so when midterms roll around I am not as stressed to study for it.

I applied for a research job and I got it! I am pretty excited about the job I just have to make sure I find time to complete the work required. It is pretty flexible which is beneficial for me and it will look great on the resume.

Other than that things are well... Classes seem to be falling in to place and the work is piling up. I cannot wait until winter rolls around because Winter is my favorite season and right now Fall is not cutting it.

Counting Down Friday 253

253 days!

I am excited to say that I am done the second week of classes. Although I am already stressed out I am happy to be back in the swing of things. I have been bombarded with papers, tests, and presentation which is alot to worry about. I was also offered a research job that I am excited about because that is exactly what I want to do I am just hoping I can manage to joggle everything. Next Friday will be my first day at my internship I am anxious about starting because I will be interning at a super busy hospital but I am up for the challenge. Wish me luck!

Any ideas for stress relieving activities? I might need a few this semester...

Remembering High School pt. I

During high school I modeled. I was linky and tall but I supposedly had the "look". The weekends were filled with traveling, photo shoots, and call backs. I was completely engolfed with the idea of me being a model. School was still important to me but this was my second love back then.

I knew what the model agencies looked for in models because I was around them. So during the week i brought that back to school. My high school was an all girls catholic school. During lunch I would sit and look at the other girls to "see" if they were model material. I would tell the girls and my lunch friends if I thought they were model material.

I did not get it back then but the girls felt uneasy when I told them things like that. I would say "you are soo beautiful" "Have you ever thought of modeling?" "and you are tall enough too!". My friends really didnt pay much attention to what I said to them, they were in their own little worlds surrounded by thoughts of boys from the other catholic schools in the area.

I know now that they were so uneasy because of the comments I made. I also know that it was more than me just telling them they were beautiful. I was attracted to them and their beauty. I didn't even realize it at the time.

At my school I knew of a handful of girls who were lesbians. Most of them were doms/studs/tomboys and like two of them were femmes/lipsticks. I did not like the doms/studs/tomboys AT ALL. There was just something about them that I did not like. I was uncomfortable around them for some reason. I would probably relate it now to the uncomfortable the girls felt when I told them they were beautiful.

Years later I came out as a lesbian. I don't consider myself a femme. I've dated women that considered themselves doms/studs/tomboys and femmes. I admire the androgyny in women and now I have no problems with doms/studs/tomboys.

Its funny how things from your past that meant nothing to you turn out to me something significant.

Just exploring Evolving...

(to be continued)

God, Family, School, and everything else

I worry too much. In high school my principal told me that in whatever you do this is the order 1. God, 2. Family, 3. School, 4. and everything else... That really stuck to me and now I am 24yrs old 6 years out of high school and I still follow that order.

When I was 8yrs old my life changed I went from daddy's little girl in the perfect family to me taking on some of my mother and father's role after my parents split up. So at 8 I was taking care of a newborn, cooking, cleaning, and making sure my siblings woke up and got ready for school.

Now I purposefully moved from from where I did my undergraduate work back to my hometown for my family and I would make that move again if it was for my family. Although we all grew up I never let go of the roles I had as a child. These rules are really apart of me now. I know the likelihood of my siblings to speaking up without me is slim and I know that they still need me and that is why I moved back.

I know its hard for someone on the outside looking in thinks this would be unusual that my siblings and I have such a close relationship that I take on some responsibilities that are not mine to take that I would sacrifice anything for them. Well I've been in a couple of relationships where they did not understand and one of my siblings in one now. And she has made him completely cold towards his immediate family.

I can only explain myself to make them understand and if they don't then they just don't understand.But God, my family, and school comes before any relationship. Because before "our" relationship my those three parts of my life were there and after the relationship (if we break up) they still will be there.They will be my strength, courage, and wisdom, they will be there when I cannot be there for them.

Recently my mother and my sister went to see my brother at his college which is about 6-7hrs away from my home town. I was in a relationship then and we planned a nice weekend together.The day my mom and sister were supposed to be coming back I got a call that they were in a car accident and they were in a car accident and they were in a hospital 5hrs away from home. My mother already secured a ride to bring them back home.

I was invited to go. I wanted to go soo bad but my health was preventing me to go. I declined and felt extremely bad that I did not go and get them. I felt like they could not depend on me when they needed me the most. I felt like I let them down although I could not go. I felt like my partner was the reason when she really was not the reason I did not go. But they came back safe, a little sore with an un-driveable vehicle but alive and well.

I worry everyday that my family will call me and wont be able to reach me and the one time that it really counts will be the one time I am not available. It scares me to know that I might not be there to help. I know one day that the person in my life the one I commit to will be apart of my family and I will do everything and be there for her as well.

I know that right now it is not possible for me to commit like I want to and it is hard because I love to cuddle, kiss, and hang out but I don't have the time.

It was time to leave...

So I gave in my two weeks notice not because I hated working with the girls but because of th neglect abuse and maltreatment of the adolescents I worked with specially the female residents. And I felt mistreated. During my employment there I met many people adolescents and staff. Although I had bad encounters with the staff, I could say that I ignored it until it was just too much. I dealt with the rude, the power tripping, the illegal activity, inappropriate boundaries with the residents, vindictiveness, and two faced people. 

I think I would have stayed for the children but to me it felt like they were trying to get rid of me. I say this because although my job knew I was in graduate school they were not trying to accommodate my school schedule even though they have and still help other employees. That is when i felt like they were trying to get rid of me. I then dropped from 40hrs to 30hrs and drama just got to be too much. Almost 3 weeks ago I gave them my resignation letter and on my last day I told the girls I worked with. They cried and cried I tried to explain and console them. I told them that in order for me to be a therapist or Social Worker/DSS worker I would need to finish school. I do feel like I am abandoning these girls, whole heartedly I do. I had compassion for the girls and frankly no other staff does. But I know that I had to do it.

So it was time to leave and I believe that when one door closes another does open weather it be for me or someone close to me. It did open for someone who has been waiting to hear back from the government. She was cleared and she is soo ready to start working soon. I am glad that the door opened for her and for me everything will come in due time. Since we are all interconnected I just have to wait and see. 

M.I.A.

Well it has been 7 months since I've been home. I've just finished my first semester in graduate school and although it was challenging I can say I made it through. This semester was not educationally challenging besides the expectations they had on writing skills. I felt like i was picked on by two of my professors who happened to be friends. They told my classmates that I should drop out of the program and that they are very concerned with my performance although I was doing what they asked of me. It got to a point that I broke down and cried knowing that even though I've done everything they still held my grade in their hands. I tried to go over their head and talked to the head of the graduate school program with no luck. 

This reminded me of Journey to Enlightenment's story about how in her program she was treated similar. I really did feel helpless at this point and I knew that they only way I could win this battle is to make sure my writing and work could speak for its self. Thats what I did and I ended up passing those two classes but I know that I would have to cross paths again with one or both of them before I graduate in 2010. 

I've been juggling 2 full-time jobs (school and work) and a part-time job (internship). It's been so time consuming that I haven't had time to really relax. No writing besides school work and no fun. So this winter break although short is going to be my mini vacation. I and going to catch up on some reading, relaxation, writing, and a couple of fun nights partying. I think it is well earned and I will try not to let my problems from this semester get in the way.

Stressed

I've been working at my job for the last 5 months and it is getting stressful with the type of job that I have. At a moments notice things change and I am doing overtime til things get situated, but this is the job I signed up for. With classes and my internship on top of that Im pulling more than 70hrs a week with only one day off to study. It is starting to get to me. I even started talking about finding a new job, I'm conflicted though. I am a very committed person and when I sign up for something it's for a while. On top of me liking what I do with these teens its hard to find a way to give it up. I know I can find another job like this but with the ties I've made so far it just makes me think. 

In my internship it is really frustrating, I have nothing to do and am pretty much an administrative assistant (not what I am going to school for). I've tried to advocate for myself talking to the appropriate people on top of everybody that will listen. I can't seem to find a way to get moved once again. My supervisor at my internship is never there and has no contact with me besides the occasional pop in with a Hello. I've asked to talk to her many times but communicating with her is nearly impossible. My internship advocate is friends with my supervisor so every time I come to him about something he covers for her. 

As of right now I feel like all the planning I did last semester was a waste cause nothing is really working out for me. I know that is life and its not supposed to work out exactly as planned but it feels like most things about moving back home is not working out. I am hoping that it is just a little speed bump that I am going through.

I am stressed...

Ahh life what an adventure...

I don't like to complain everytime I blog but this blog is about complaining. I've not been writing much cause there isn't even enough time to sleep at night ( 3-4 hrs a night hasn't been working well for me). But I can at least say that I'm happy in my personal life which has not been the case in forever... I'm in a relationship and we are both trying to take it one day at a time. We are learning so much about each other and from each other. We are trying to spend as much time as we can together but we both work and are super busy at times. Its crazy how life throws you such a curve ball that you don't know what to do with yourself and how to approach the situation. Well finally I've approached it with the mindset of not being afraid to fall cause if I am thats when i'll get hurt, its been working and I'm happy. 

So back to the complaining I've been having problems with my internship and right when I solved one problem another one has popped up. And it seems like the problem won't go away until I step on some people's toes to get what is best for me on top of maybe taking a grade that I did not earn for making another's job difficult cause I still have to deal with them in a class environment for the remainder of the semester. Since that isn't the type of person I am it is really difficult for me to do that but I know that to get the best outcome and education I have to do that.

Besides my internship classes are good, I'm starting to do some work but it still is not as much to make me say that yes I'm in grad school and its kicking my butt. My girlfriend has been very supportive of me, she says that school is important and that she wants me to do good. 

Ahhh life what an adventure...

Too good to be tru

Think about it... Have you every been in a situation where it just felt so surreal that you did not know if you wanted to believe it? You don't kno what to do or say so you keep it to yourself cause you know if you say something it might turn bad. Your mind is constantly racing trying to find some reason why it cant be real or some reason to sabatague something so sweet. It is hard to imagine that there is something soo good in your life but you try your hardest to just enjoy yourself. 

I'm going through that now and it's like wow! I had already given up and someone special came into my life. I've been saying that this is surreal and I don't know how to handle it but I'm cool with how things are going in my life. 

Its funny how you try to plan and plan and plan, and your plans go your way sometimes but not always. You try and plan every detail but you just can't. I'm glad that I can't plan everything and curve balls come into play at times...

I am still adjusting to the Graduate School, I thought it would be soo much more difficult. I don't know if it is because I am so occupied with work, school, and my internship that I haven't noticed the amount of work. But I've been worried about classes, I heard soo many stories in undergrad about how there is soo much more reading and work you have to do but to me it does not seem that way. I am still trying to sort out my schedule so that I can have free time and study time, but it is hard when for some reason my schedule keeps on changing.    

But I am soo grateful for the change and hope that there is more change to come. So I am trying to take one day at a time and adjust to this life that I just started living...

New Beginnings

So I've been thinking about my life thus far and I can't figure out what I've actually done worth while besides my getting a Bachelors Degree. There is so much that I've wanted to do. I've been talking to people and they've been asking me about different things I've done in life.

Through these conversations I've realized that my experiences with people are not up to what it should be. Even though I know no one is the same. 

You know how they say that these years from your teens to adulthood should be the best years of our lives? Well for me it seems to me these years are the years I got things done and not any fun involved. I've worked and attended college and all that my experiences with people are not memorable. When will my life start? Someone told me that maybe my life is just starting and I might be going on a great adventure. Maybe this is true maybe because of all the hard work i put forward these past years it's time for me to have fun and ride the ride.