Baby Makes me

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Many of you have already heard about our film, Baby Makes me. For you, this is an update. But for the folks who have not heard Tiona and I are making a documentary together.

For years, I have wanted to become a mother. But the timing has never been quite right. Either my partners weren’t ready, or I was scared, or I couldn’t find a donor or something. There was always something. By the time I rolled into 35, I was tired of being afraid, tired of waiting for the right woman with whom it would be the right time, tired of watching every Christmas roll over another Birthday, tired of watching my peers get knocked up and months later appear with the most amazing little bundle of potential—I was tired of waiting and ready to make the leap, and I was ready to make it alone.

I began the research with great heart—only to discover that there were little no resources for women who either wanted to, or had to embark on the journey of motherhood in the solo. There were one or two essays and a few books on artificial insemination, and some were even directed at lesbians—but most, if not all assumed that the mother would be operating from inside of a partnership, be that partnership heterosexual or homosexual.

The idea for the film came out of a conversation with Tiona to film the pregnancy/labor, assuming that there would be one—because no one, least of all me, knows if my body will cooperate in doing such a thing as conceiving. I envisioned Tiona asking a couple of heartfelt questions and spinning the light to create a high-end home-movie I could show my child at eighteen. She agreed and we began to flesh out some ideas. That conversation, coupled with the lack of resource material out there spurred the project now known as Baby Makes Me.

Baby Makes Me, a feature-length documentary, will explore the challenges and triumphs of Single Motherhood, particularly in the lives of women of color, lesbians and women who make a conscious choice to be mothers in the absence of intimate/romantic partnerships with men.

The film will use as its narrative skeleton, the journey of activist/writer/performer, Staceyann Chin, as she navigates her personal choices with reference to motherhood. Author of the memoir, The Other Side of Paradise, Chin now brings her talents to the medium of film as writer and Executive Producer.

The Director, Tiona McClodden, is a champion of promoting positive images of women in media. Her last film, “Black./womyn.:conversations…”, garnered much respect in both accolades and awards. She now brings her attention to the issue of women and motherhood.

It is our intent to interview a series of women from all the demographic cross-sections. Issues of financial, ethical, medical, cultural, and political relevance will be fore-grounded. We hope that clinics, hospitals, families, children of Black lesbians, straight Black women who want children, mothers of gay women who lament the loss of grandchildren when they discover their daughters are gay, and anybody who seeks to have a clearer picture of the family that includes gay women will see that our lives go on, that women who are single, be they lesbian, or Black or poor, can and do have babies, and that we are simply another group of people who live and laugh and grow. We hope to paint the subjects in the film as human and likable characters who, though they are dealing with slightly different challenges than the women we traditionally see as mothers, are not very different from any other group of people considering parenthood.

We are going to need all the help we can get. We need help in reaching out to folks who would like to be interviewed; other single mothers, women who have been inseminated, women who are thinking about it, women who work in the medical field, women who work in the administrative world of policy etc. We are on the hunt for the all the voices that could represent our story in the film.

We have recently been awarded a grant from ASTREA Lesbian Foundation for Justice and are set to move forward. We write to you now, in the hope that you will want to be involved in this groundbreaking project in whatever capacity you choose: we need space to host fundraisers and screening and other events connected to the film. We need people to fundraise, to promote the film, to host community talks, to suggest topics for discussion in the film—we need to secure additional investors, we need the help of people who are experts in the business of making films, and we need the counter-perspective of people who have never made a film. We are hoping to make this a community effort; from start to finish we want the ideas to be representative of the various factions in our diverse village of the women who mother our children. If you are sure you are unable to do any of the above, we only ask that you make room for our fliers, questionnaires, invitations, and other promotional materials for the film.

We would be honored if you would join us as we attempt to break more ceilings, level more walls to make room those of us who are too frequently left out of the history and imagination of the world we live in. We look forward to a spirited journey with you, from the opening shot to the ending credits—complete with your name listed among the most stalwart of our supporters.

Thanks again to the women who have already offered assistance. We look forward to your being a part of our process.

Staceyann Chin
Executive Producer/Writer, “Baby Makes Me”
Tiona McClodden
Director/Producer, “Baby Makes Me”

Please send all inquiries and requests to: babymakesme@gmail.com

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The fantasy... Pt. 5

I woke up and watched you sleep. I thought of the time when our relationship was tested and how I just wanted to give up on us. But you did not let me, you stood by my side even when it was trying. I started crying just thinking about it. You woke up telling me to get dressed you could not tell that I was crying. I hopped in the shower excited for our next adventure.

When I got out of the shower this beautiful dress was laying on the bed next to a black suit. You saw the big smile on my face grabbed my chin and kissed my dimple. You then went to take your shower. When you came out I was sitting on the bed in my lingerie putting on lotion. I then asked you if you could put lotion on my back. You gave me a smirk and put your hand out for some lotion.

After we got dressed we drove to this restaurant. The ambiance was relaxed and just right. While we were eating dinner and drinking wine we talked about going back home and starting our work/school week. I thanked you for the lovely weekend but you told me it was not over that we still had a little bit of time left.

After our dessert we went back to our room but before we went back in you got the blanket from your car and gave it to me. I held your hand and followed you, we walked then stopped on this bridge. I could not tell you how long we were out there but you held me in your arms with my head in your shoulder as we were both wrapped in the blanket talking.

While we were talking I told you that little things like just talking made me love you even more. I knew then I wanted to spent the rest of my life with me. Three years later I am wrote you this letter for you to to read on the eve of our wedding. I wanted to tell you that our adventures will continue from here because our history fuels our future together. I love you and cannot wait to walk down the aisle tomorrow and see your smiling face.

Your Love

The fantasy... Pt. 4

You held me closer started kissing on my neck and I felt my body shiver as a I let out a moan. You started kissing me harder as you made your way down to my breasts. I felt you kissing around around my breasts... everywhere but my nipples knowing it would drive insane. I grabbed your head and pulled you to my nipple, you took my hard nipples into your mouth and sucked like there was no where else you would rather be. You started making swirls with your tongue and kept making your way down. Your tongue traced its way down my stomach to my hips... right there where my thigh meets what you always called my "special area". You kissed me gently and started flicking your tongue on the most sensitive parts of my thigh. By this time i could feel my own wetness and wanted you to taste it. Every time you got close to my wet lips I moaned and tried to pull your lips closer to mine. I could feel you smile when I did that, you love teasing me like that.

You kept kissing and licking my inner thighs, I knew you just like hearing me moan louder. I could tell because your tongue got hard and fast making swirls on my thighs every time I moaned. I moved my body because I wanted your tongue to touch my lips. You kissed my lips and I moaned. You grabbed my waist to pull me closer and kept your warm soft hands on the small of my back because you knew I was going to run from your tongue when it got too good to handle.

You spread my legs even more and inserted your fingers into me, I said your name and screamed with pleasure. You wasted no time flipping me into the position you liked me in. I did not fight because I loved when you took control. You then did that thing you do with your tongue it drove me crazy. I came with you tasting me and stroking me so deep. I knew that my cumming was what you needed to get you wet... I could here you moaning as I came and I knew you were ready....

I pulled you towards me to give you a kiss. I started kissing you all over your neck and started towards your breasts. You don't usually let me have my way with you but I could tell tonight would be different. This is why we came up here, this was your plan all along. Knowing that made me love you more. Every spot I kissed made us both moan. I took my time with you. You like to act tough but tonight you were my delicate flower (even though i would never tell you that). All I could think about was pleasing you. I had been waiting to bask in your beautiful, sweet smelling body and wanted to savor every moment. I kissed your body gently, in a soft and firm way as I made my way down. I kissed right below your belly button, and kissing until I got right above your clit... where I kissed you so softly that i felt your body shake. I moaned, spread your lips with my tongue and felt your wetness.

My tongue danced in circles and side by side on your swollen clit. Every time I heard you moan and I continued to kiss your wetness. I held your soft legs close to me as I licked your swollen clit with the rhythm of your gyrating hips. I felt your legs getting tense with every stroke and knew you were about to cum. I held your legs even closer to me while my tongue continued to move with the rhythm of your hips. You came as I kissed you sweetly. This relief came over your body that put a beautiful smile on your face. I smiled, came up to you and gave you a hug. We laid there in silence and soon after fell asleep in each others arm.

To be continued...

The fantasy... Pt. 3

I started off telling you the story like every fairy tale story is told by saying, "once upon a time there were two females". You laughed at me but I told you I was being serious. I continued the story it was of the first time we officially met.

We met in the cafeteria of our university we were attending during breakfast. I was a sophomore and you were a senior. I was not sure why I did not meet a year ago, but I just figured we were not supposed to meet until we did.

We both worked out in the morning and I would see you come into the cafeteria a few minutes after everyday. I got the courage to say something to you when we almost bumped into each other. I was going to get a seat while you were going to get your food. I asked you to sit with me and you did.

While we were talking I asked you about your workout plan. You told me about it then invited me to join you the next day. I was nervous after I said yes because you told me you started at 5am. But I kind of liked you so I wanted to get to know you. I gave you my number and where I lived then went off to class.

The next day came and you met me outside of my dorm room. I was excited to see you again. The rest is history.

By the time I finished telling you the story I realized that you fell asleep holding me. I knew you were tired from all the driving you did so I let you sleep. I laid in your arms thinking about how favored I was to have you in my life. After a while I fell asleep too.

The next morning you woke me up with your soft kisses on my neck. I moaned and said good morning turned around and kissed you back. The kissing started to get passionate I held your face in my hands. My hand slowly moved away from your face and I began to slowly caress your soft body.

Our kissing never stopped but you began kissing my next and I your ears. We both moaned in approval. You asked me if you could kiss me all over my body. I remember telling you while moaning yes baby you can kiss me anywhere you like.

To be continued...

The fantasy... Pt. 2

You managed to come out of the bathroom naked; I could see all your curves. I loved starring at you naked. The mens clothing you wore always covered your body but your stud swagger was still strong in all of your nakedness. When I came out of my daze I told you to grab my iPod out of my bag and bring the towels. You came outside put the towels down and docked the iPod in the jacuzzi then pressed play. You were complaining that it was soo cold and I could see you were cold because your nipples were perking. I asked you to please come join me.

You got in right next to me and realized I still had my bra on; you were soo quick to take it off of me. I gave you a kiss it was soo passionate. We got soo close to each other that our breasts were touching. Your body felt so good on my body. I gave you a big hug and then gave you my hand. I told you I loved you and that I was excited to be there with you. You explained to me that you knew I was stressed and needed a break.

Although you supported me through school, sometimes you felt neglected and I knew that and felt bad. I really did not know how to make this situation any better so I just avoided the conversation. All I knew was that I loved you and you loved me.

We had a long conversation about it while we were in the jacuzzi. I came close to you and started rubbing your back while we talked. You loved when I rubbed your back and I loved how you felt in my hands. I knew it would make you sleepy so I decided that we should get out of the jacuzzi and on to the bed to cuddle.

We ran back into our suite dried each other off and got into the bed naked. To the left of our king sized bed there was this window and when I looked out of it all I could see were stars. There were soo many stars. To the right of our bed there was a wood-burning fireplace. The fire was burning; I adored the smell of wood burning. I could not have asked for anymore.

You took me into your arms. I loved being in your arms you kept me warm and I didn't want you to let me go. I told you I loved you and asked you why me? Why now? All you said was you knew me loved me and that was all that mattered. I took in every word you said. I thought about it for a minute or so you nudged me to see if I was still awake.

I inhaled your seductive smell and you kissed me on my forehead. You asked me if I “remembered” honestly I had no idea what you were talking about. You asked me two more times and final I seductively said, “oh I remember”. You then asked me to tell it to you.

To be continued…

The fantasy... Pt. 1

Yesterday you told me to pack my bag because you were taking me somewhere. I had a million and one questions for you but you refused to answer even one. You knew I had been stressed because of all my class work. It felt like it was close to the end of my last semester and I was stressed about graduating in a couple of months. So I was kind of hesitant to pack my bag not knowing when I would be back to do my work, but I trusted you so I packed my bag.

The next night you came over to my apartment and I made you dinner and you ate but I was afraid you would get sleepy while driving so I was hesitant on giving you seconds. You told me that you were so excited to see my face when we got where ever we were going that you would not fall asleep. After dinner I got my bag, but you told me you would get that for me. I love when you do that for me even though sometimes I get upset because I can do it myself.

We drove... and drove, listening to your iPod the music was bumping in the car. You held my hand the whole way there, even though I fell asleep while you drove. The mood in the car was lovely and I was happy you asked me to come. I still did not have any clue on where we were going but I was not as stressful then. When I woke up I saw soo much snow and a building that looked like a cabin.

I was smiling ear to ear and jumping up and down. You told me to get out the car and I almost fell out of the car because I was soo excited. I got out the car and you knew I would be cold and before I said anything you went to the trunk and got me a blanket. You wrapped it around me and I gave you the biggest hug. My words were soo jumbled up that I just kissed you passionately. You stopped me putting your index finger on my mouth and told me to wait. You took my hand and got our bags and we went inside the cabin looking building.

We checked in and I opened the door with the key. I was still so excited that I just told you to cover my eyes. You lead me to the bed sat me down and asked me to open my eyes. I started crying, I apologized to you for crying because I know you do not like me crying. You asked me why and I told you that you knew this was my dream and you made it come true. I was soo overwhelmed with emotion I gave you a hug and kiss.

Our room was so big traditionally decorated. We had a living room and a kitchenette, by the living room I saw some french door. I went over there when you went to the bathroom. I opened the doors and screamed your name. There was a jacuzzi outside! I turned on every switch that I saw. Then I started taking off my clothing while running to the bathroom. I knocked on the door and told you to grab two towels. I managed to take all my clothes off and jumped in the tub cause I could not wait for you.

To be continued...