Weathering the storm pt.1

My mother and I have been going through it. Our relationship through the years have been getting stronger but with me telling her that I'm a lesbian our relationship has gotten worse. She tells me that my girlfriend is hindering me from finding a good man to marry and have children with. She also tells me that I cannot be who I am because it is not right and my soul is on the line. 

I've tried to talk to her and explain to her how this is not my choosing but she says it is. It has been difficult to know that my mother does not accept me as who I am. She also thinks that who I am is because of the influences I had in college and she feels bad that she let me go away for undergrad. I don't know how to make my mother understand me and it hurts me inside to know that my mother is fighting a battle that Is not hers to fight. She even thinks my involvement with my sister is too much for my sister to handle at her teenage age. 

I am thinking about moving out thinking that that will make it easier on my mother and I. If we dont see each other everyday then maybe she can get through it with the many other problems she is carrying on her shoulders. But with moving my sister and I may loose the time we share because of my mother thinking that who I am is too much for my sister.

Right now I have no idea how to get through to my mother my words are not enough for her and my actions are too much for her to handle. I knew that my mother taking it well was only a phase and although I had time to prepare there really was not anything I could have done to prepare for this. 

90 day evaluation

it's been 3 months since my girlfriend and I have been official (as I like to call it). I can't say that it has been perfect but I can say it has been an journey. Everyday we learn something about each other and it is refreshing to know that I don't know everything. We've taken a couple of trips together to Atlantic City, NJ; Alexandria, VA; Rehoboth Beach, DE; and Maryland's Eastern Shore. I've met all her friends and some family as well, she has met my sister and one of my besties. I can say that we have fun together, she and I have taught each other alot about what we know and dont know. She has open me up to her world as a lesbian and I've open her up to mine. 

We work at the same job but not together and I am not out at work so our co workers dont know about her and I. This has caused a lot of frustration because since I am the new girl and no one knows I am a lesbian everyone talks to my girlfriend about me. Since I got there a couple of months ago the guys have started a bet on me and supposedly there is a big pot involved for the person that sleeps with me first. I can say my girlfriend has taken this really well considering the remarks they've made about me. But her and I agreed it would be soo much easier not to let anyone know. Through that our relationship has been getting stronger. 

I hope that our relationship continues to get stronger through the obstacles we might face in the future.

M.I.A.

Well it has been 7 months since I've been home. I've just finished my first semester in graduate school and although it was challenging I can say I made it through. This semester was not educationally challenging besides the expectations they had on writing skills. I felt like i was picked on by two of my professors who happened to be friends. They told my classmates that I should drop out of the program and that they are very concerned with my performance although I was doing what they asked of me. It got to a point that I broke down and cried knowing that even though I've done everything they still held my grade in their hands. I tried to go over their head and talked to the head of the graduate school program with no luck. 

This reminded me of Journey to Enlightenment's story about how in her program she was treated similar. I really did feel helpless at this point and I knew that they only way I could win this battle is to make sure my writing and work could speak for its self. Thats what I did and I ended up passing those two classes but I know that I would have to cross paths again with one or both of them before I graduate in 2010. 

I've been juggling 2 full-time jobs (school and work) and a part-time job (internship). It's been so time consuming that I haven't had time to really relax. No writing besides school work and no fun. So this winter break although short is going to be my mini vacation. I and going to catch up on some reading, relaxation, writing, and a couple of fun nights partying. I think it is well earned and I will try not to let my problems from this semester get in the way.