Too good to be tru

Think about it... Have you every been in a situation where it just felt so surreal that you did not know if you wanted to believe it? You don't kno what to do or say so you keep it to yourself cause you know if you say something it might turn bad. Your mind is constantly racing trying to find some reason why it cant be real or some reason to sabatague something so sweet. It is hard to imagine that there is something soo good in your life but you try your hardest to just enjoy yourself. 

I'm going through that now and it's like wow! I had already given up and someone special came into my life. I've been saying that this is surreal and I don't know how to handle it but I'm cool with how things are going in my life. 

Its funny how you try to plan and plan and plan, and your plans go your way sometimes but not always. You try and plan every detail but you just can't. I'm glad that I can't plan everything and curve balls come into play at times...

I am still adjusting to the Graduate School, I thought it would be soo much more difficult. I don't know if it is because I am so occupied with work, school, and my internship that I haven't noticed the amount of work. But I've been worried about classes, I heard soo many stories in undergrad about how there is soo much more reading and work you have to do but to me it does not seem that way. I am still trying to sort out my schedule so that I can have free time and study time, but it is hard when for some reason my schedule keeps on changing.    

But I am soo grateful for the change and hope that there is more change to come. So I am trying to take one day at a time and adjust to this life that I just started living...

...

Im imagining an adventure so sweet

Just you and me 

that cant be beat

You've mused me

I was too concentrated on protecting my heart

Been treating my life like it should never start

But you came along unexpected

Calming me down just by your presences

That power you hold 

Not only I can see

Giving me the courage to move forward without fear and reflect on life

This feeling I feel is very new to me

I'm actually happy

But I'm ready to take that step to enjoy life

just walk beside me

And give me some encouragement to enjoy this adventure

life is complicated. It is not something we choose even though we have decisions to make in the process. I was talking to someone and she was talking about how we have a path in which we follow, during the course of following that path we have decisions to make. She then went on to talk about how if we made a different decision would we know the same people we know now? Or be where we are now? Accomplish what we have accomplished? 

I started thinking about this and how it relates to my life... What would it be like if i decided to go to Florida for graduate school or somewhere else? Would I be struggling with work, school, living arrangements, or socially?  Would I have made friends and would I still feel lonely? I can only imagine what it could be like. 

I was thinking about this and wondering what would really make a difference in my life. Would such a change happen because I chose a certain kind of sandwich over another? Or the clothing I wore for that day? Or is it the big decisions that matter? Like taking a vacation or a career move? Are those the things that alters our paths in life? Giving up or letting go of the opportunity to meet new people and experience new things and just learn without even knowing that we did such a thing.

New Beginnings

So I've been thinking about my life thus far and I can't figure out what I've actually done worth while besides my getting a Bachelors Degree. There is so much that I've wanted to do. I've been talking to people and they've been asking me about different things I've done in life.

Through these conversations I've realized that my experiences with people are not up to what it should be. Even though I know no one is the same. 

You know how they say that these years from your teens to adulthood should be the best years of our lives? Well for me it seems to me these years are the years I got things done and not any fun involved. I've worked and attended college and all that my experiences with people are not memorable. When will my life start? Someone told me that maybe my life is just starting and I might be going on a great adventure. Maybe this is true maybe because of all the hard work i put forward these past years it's time for me to have fun and ride the ride. 

The size of the room after 15 years...

Do you remember when you were little and your parents told you that they will explain something to you when you get older? You never thought that back then that day would actually come so you begged and begged for them to tell you explaining how grown up you were for being able to reach the cereal in the cabinet or touch the ceiling while jumping. Well for me that "when you get older" stage has come. Since I've been home my mother has been filling in the gaps of her and my father's divorce and stuff before that too. When she tells me these things I'm never really prepared. I don't ask her she usually just volunteers the information out of the blue. 

My mother has told me stories of reasons why they ended up divorcing and people in our lives back then and the true meaning behind their presence. I've asked my father several times for his side of the story cause I don't want to be bias to one side. But he refuses to give an explanation and tells me it's the past and I should move on. I was the biggest daddy's little girl growing up, until my dad moved out. I thought the world of both of my parents but there was something special about my father. 

Back then when I looked into the living room it was giant, it's own little world. I could do everything in that room from going from country to country on the couches to playing house. I thought that that room was soo big but now that I moved back I realized that the living room is just a living room. My expectations for that room was soo grand even though my imagination fufilled my expectations, it was just my imagination. 

I feel like the information that I've learned about my father has altered my perception of him. I understand that knowledge would alter anyone's perception but I was not expecting by this much. I was never too nieve growing up but you always think highly of your immediate family, it's like they cannot do any harm.