This was a while ago but it has been on my mind:
I was talking to one of my long distance friends and he asked me if I knew anyone who was homosexual. I thought it was a random question cause of the way it came up in conversation and I felt myself tense up like he was insinuating something about me. Some how that passed and we started talking about Staceyann Chin and Thomas Beatie (he hadn't heard of either). He was so torn to hear Staceyann's story on Opera and I was too. It makes me cry everytime I hear it I'm first generation in the United States and I've never been home but if I couldn't live with my family it would hurt me so much I don't know what I would do with myself. But I'm glad that Staceyann is doing something meaningful to herself and inspiring to others.
After we got off the phone I started thinking about how I felt when he brought up sexuality, it's weird cause when other people bring it up I don't act like that. But this time I felt like there was a secret of mine that he discovered and he was calling me out on it. Then I read Journey_Wmn's blog linking us to Jasmyne Cannick's blog about the female student getting ready to graduate that came out to her parents and has practically been disowned. It said how parents most often then not have a feeling that their child may be homosexual.
That intrigued me and really made me think that if parents might have an idea about their children then friends probably hunch at it too.
I've started to notice that my mother has been trying to push me into relationships or to become a nun which ever comes first. I've expected this to come after I graduated but its still a little shocking, but i know in life i cant always please my mother. I can't really say that my girl friend notices though. We've been friends for 5 years and there are just things that we used to do as friends that we don't do as much anymore, I don't know if it is because we are not around each other as much or we've just grown apart. With my guy friends it is different I seem to be more open with them on who i am I can't say that they both accept that but it is what it is. One of my guy friends seems to hate hearing about who i like and all but i can understand that. I just don't talk to him as much as I used to. So my guy friends don't hunch at it cause they know but i'm still weary about my girl friend.
I've come to realize that what people think is not going to change who i am they may assume and question though...
1 comment:
Sometimes relationships go through phases, and maybe, your relationship with your g/f will get to a stage where you'll be able to do those things together that you use to and that you'll feel comfortable opening up to her (and she'll be able to accept it!) Just maybe.
As for everyone else, it's easy for me to say they don't matter...and today, someone said something like, "the fact that you're gay is their problem, not yours..." that's true, but it's still difficult sometimes.
I can feel where you're coming from...
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