Closure

At my internship I talk to the people there because I feel very comfortable around them. I introduced them to my ex before she was my ex and they frequently asked about my relationship. I told them when thing weren't going well and asked them for advice. So when I told them that we broke up they told me the way I did it did not give my ex any closure.

I thought about what I could have done better or how I could have rectified what I did. I knew that I had/have a hard time communicating, so I had to ask myself why are you doing this? I came up with many reasons and said this is what I have to tell her. I have to sit her down and explain to her how I feel without blaming her for all that went wrong in the relationship.

Well I did and she explained her side and she understood where I was coming from. I went to my internship and they asked I told them what I had done and they said you still had not given her closure. I thought "What more can I do?", I figured that maybe I was not explaining myself to them efficently for them to understand. I mean I am not a mean person and if closure to them was being mean to her I did not want to do that. I felt like I've hurt her and would not want to cause her anymore hurt.

So I thought and thought about what to do and how to do it. I realized that I've given her enough closure for her to understand where I was coming from and me to understand her. I thought about my previous relationships and I pretty much did the same thing and the relationship was closed.

I thought and thought some more because if I did not know how to close an intimate relationship with someone it might actually affect my professional life. Because when I either have to terminate a client or move a client I need to close the relationship without leaving any windows open. So I opened a dictionary (actually) several and read what closure was. It said an act or process of closing something; a resolution or conclusion to a work or process. I analyzed what I did and how it would be different in a professional setting. I realized that not much would be different and I understood what needed to be done for someone to gain closure.

I did not understand at first what someone needed in order to gain closure because I've never been in that situation. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that if I was in those shoes I would not make it a point to seek the closure from my ex but rather closure internally. Its harsh to say but I feel that way cause life happens and things do not always go my way.

So if someone has to leave me I know that I cannot force or beg them to stay, because they already made up their mind.