Gliding

You know those insects that stand on top of the water and when they move it looks like they are gliding. they never submerge themselves in the water though. They stay on top almost like they are too good to get wet. When I see them in the pond I wonder why do they do what they do? (besides there is a place and purpose for everything an it's God's creation). I know they were built like that for a reason but whats the reason?
Sometimes I feel that way though. In any relationship I seem to sit on top of the water not ever getting submerged. I try to put my all in the relationships I struggle with it too but at the end I feel like not even one leg got submerged. I know what I do is not enough but I do not know how to make it enough. I know I have a hard time letting people get close to me to see my vulnerabilities some I don't even know about. I pull back, push away, don't let them get close, and then I leave. Sometimes I find a reason and other times I do not.
Although I try my hardest to make "this one" different it turns out the same. I run away! From what? I have no idea.I want to let my guard down for once and get a little wet, but I just don't know how. I am striving to exploring me and trying to learn and correct myself.
~Evovling