So I am 80% sure that I did not make much sense to you. I am not sure if it will ever make sense. This one is definitely for me! I am not on the same page or even chapter as you. I hear what you say and it sounds so sweet but I feel like I am running a mile a minute just to catch up to you.

I would love to be there right next to you, but I am not there. Frankly a month from now I feel like I will still be chasing your shadow. All the sacrifices you are willing to make for me is AMAZING! I want to do the same for you but right now I can't.

I am kicking myself because I should have known that I was not ready for something like this. But I felt ready, I thought my feelings for you were enough... I realize that it is not enough.

In my head all I hear is I can't, I can't, I can't... It's not that I don't want to it's not that I haven't tried. I need time not only everyday time, but mentally I need time. I need time to be clear headed and prepared. I don't even know if it is possible to be prepared. But I'll try to find out.

You know I cannot go feet first without thinking it through. You said that was smart but weird at the same time. This is actually for me, I need time to play catch up. No matter what other messages I give you this is what I need.

I hope you can understand...