Crazy Girls Rant II (original post date 8/26/09)

So I come to you all again to talk to you about crazy girls cause for some reason one blog was just not enough... at least not for me. The topic has come up again and I wanted to blog about it. So I have a couple of questions... What do you consider crazy? Have you ever dealt with someone who turned out to be crazy? and How did you shake her?

I know that sometimes when you get into a long term committed relationship it crushes you when the relationship ends but usually there is not anything left to say or do to change what has happened. Most people walk away (sometimes with a broken heart) and eventually get over all the questions that they did not get a chance to ask because they usually realize that they got over her without answers. But there are those people that cannot get over the ending of the relationship. They cannot get the hint that the relationship is over and there is nothing that they could have done to salvage it.

These people sometimes become obsessed, stalker-ish, and dangerous. This is never a good look for them but to me it seems like they are too obsessed with the situation at hand that they do not realize the what they are doing. (At least you hope they do not realize what they are doing.)

I think a crazy person is:
1) Someone who won't let go
2) She has problems listening to you (not just hearing)
3) Quick tempered
4) Someone who persistantly follows your every move on social networking sites
5) When you have a feeling that they may show up at your home, work, school, or any location and cause a scene... MAJOR PROBLEM!

You usually do not get exposed to the crazy side in the beginning of a relationship but sometimes you just may ignore it or not even realize the signs of crazy.

Twice I was oblivious to the crazy signs. How? you might ask... I have no idea how I missed it but I did... or did I? Some people say that there are signs early on but not for everyone is there? At least I do not think everyone has the signs but that just maybe me being bias.

Question

Hello beautiful womyn! I am currently working on some semester final papers due in a couple of days. This means a hold on The Fantasy... until the papers get done (4 maybe 5 days). So in the mean time I have a question.

If you are going out with a friend or friends to a movie, dinner, or dancing/club, how much would you disclose when you are in a relationship or just dating? Do you give her the answer to Who, What, When, Where, and How?

I brought this up because I read No Love Lost by A Brown Girl (check it out!). She talked about “just dating” and how sometimes dating may not turn into relationships.

So are there differences in disclosure for dating than in relationships?

I would think so because if I were in a relationship with someone I would tell all… to an extent. Not a “keeping secrets” extent but a “trust me” extent. I want the person that I am with to trust ME to do the right thing, not my friends.

As for dating, I would not tell all. If there is openness to our communication, there should not be a problem with whom I am hanging out. It should be understood that dating is exactly what it is dating.

So tell me ladies what would you do?

It's my Anniversary!

I was a bit bothered last night so I came here to write about it. I did not know where to start or what issue to write about so I started alot of different topics but I was not satisfied. I saved the posts in my blog's waiting area with the rest of the unfinished posts. I scrolled down to look at all the other unfinished posts and I came upon this one. I realized that thi month will officially make it a year I started blogging and a year I started locking my hair. So I wanted to share with you a post that has been in my blog's waiting room since April 2008. Reading this blog I've realized that I've come a long way from the person I was then. I graduated, went to Hawaii, moved, came out to my family and friends, got a job, was in a relationship, started graduate school, left my job, left my relationship, and now I am here in April again. I am going to make a list of things I want to do before this time next year... Stay tuned for my To Do List.
FYI: I can tell you what the big deal is now :) I guess I needed that break...





The un-answered story of SEX
Today me and my best friend were on the phone talking about Sex and how I must be the only person on the earth that cannot seem to enjoy it. It is so weird that a couple of hours later I have my other friend in my house banging the mess out of this girl that is clearly not for him. Lets see I would rather be hmmm doing a lot than sex. I mean granite that my sexuality is in question for both you and I but the whole sex thing... been there and tried it and Um kinda boring. Its like the ecstasy that everyone talks about does not even graze my zip-code.

There was a time that I would have sex for the simple fact that I wanted to be "closer" to the person that I was with but the fact was they were just getting close to me that way. It clearly was not working out. So on my journey to find the Womyn in me, I decided not to have sex for the simple fact that I did not want to do it for just the pleasure of someone else but also for me. Well gyrl let me tell you that its been 2 years with so called temptations and not an arousal has sparked my interest in having sex.

Can you tell me what the big deal is?

We also started talking about the TV series The L Word... She has a new boo and he got her into the series so she was telling me about how much she likes it and stuff like that. Now I've watched a couple of episodes from different seasons but not a complete one (I'm trying to wait till i can buy at least 2 or 3 seasons). In my opinion she is a homophobe not as bad as my mother but its there. So while she was talking about the show I asked her if it's made her curious or changed her opinion about homosexuality. She said no she still only likes men.

New Beginnings

So I've been thinking about my life thus far and I can't figure out what I've actually done worth while besides my getting a Bachelors Degree. There is so much that I've wanted to do. I've been talking to people and they've been asking me about different things I've done in life.

Through these conversations I've realized that my experiences with people are not up to what it should be. Even though I know no one is the same. 

You know how they say that these years from your teens to adulthood should be the best years of our lives? Well for me it seems to me these years are the years I got things done and not any fun involved. I've worked and attended college and all that my experiences with people are not memorable. When will my life start? Someone told me that maybe my life is just starting and I might be going on a great adventure. Maybe this is true maybe because of all the hard work i put forward these past years it's time for me to have fun and ride the ride. 

Commitment

Being at home my mom and I have had alot of time to catch up and talk. She told me things I never knew about the past and the separation/divorce which was almost 15 years ago. We also talked about the present and future, where we would find ourselves in 10 years and such. Now in high school and the first couple of years of college my mother did not want me to get involved with anyone. Her rational was that I needed to concentrate on my studies and that I was too young to understand what love was. After my junior year in college she started asking me who am I dating and when can she expect a wedding. 

I avoided these discussions like the plague, cause I knew what the end result would be. I would explain that i was not interested and that I am not getting married... big mistake. First, she tried to bring up that my life is already laid out by God and I really have no choice; Second, if i will not get married I should start planning when I would go to the convent to become a nun (born and raised Catholic). 

Well undergraduate is behind me and I am ready for graduate school which is right around the corner. So my mother has been getting at me to go out with my friends, meet people, and date. I really haven't come out to her but i think she is starting to hint at my sexuality. She talks about marriage, compromise, and children constantly and ignores my comments on those subjects. 

I started to realize on television shows and some of my friends would talk about how since they were little they dreamed/imagined this fabulous wedding and exactly how it will be. I never imagined or dreamed of the "perfect" wedding for myself. I am way too independent to think about committing myself to a person in that way. I also have little faith in the whole concept of "forever" as it is used in marriage/commitment ceremonies. Statistically half of marriages do end up forever but half of them don't. And not one couple in my family both mom and dad's side are still together... unless you consider my grandfather's many wives back home in West Africa. 

I am 23 trying to understand me, I am living in the present. The past just left me and the future is ahead of me. Right now I love the way things are going and am not thinking of a "forever" commitment... Maybe something or someone will change my mind the the future but right now i cannot imagine it. 

Meeting People

I am not much of a social butterfly and my scenes do not involve frequent visits to the local gay clubs or any, maybe a poetry night or two not often. But I am interested in meeting people. In an earlier blog I talked about signals and me trying to use them to tell someone who I was. I don't know if that would help or not.  But I do want to meet people. 

I was watching the latest Cherry Bomb  vlog about "Gender Roles" and I am not into gender roles for me or anyone I am interested in... its whatever. It is much more to me than the clothing you decide to wear. I've notice in my area that is all you see someone being super masculine or super feminine not too many in-betweens like me. I guess that among other things like not being a social butterfly is making it harder for me to meet people around here. 

In undergrad I did not have much of a problem but i think it was the lack of interest in meeting new people. Now I want to have a couple of people I can just hang out with to just chill and have a decent conversation every once in a while without me having to worry about close minded remarks. 

I don't know it feels like I have certain friends and those friends and I get each other on different levels. Like its to that point we dont have to say anything to each other but we know what we are thinking. In my opinion thats a friend. But I feel that my friends are not ready for me to be all of me. When I start talking about California and the legalization of same sex marriages, Thomas Beatie, or just Pride 2008 or anything really dealing with homosexuality... This wall is put up and they just quickly find a way to exit the conversation. I want to have friends that are around I can talk about anything without all that. I'm still feeling cornered and am still looking for a way out. 

-Evolving