During high school I modeled. I was linky and tall but I supposedly had the "look". The weekends were filled with traveling, photo shoots, and call backs. I was completely engolfed with the idea of me being a model. School was still important to me but this was my second love back then.
I knew what the model agencies looked for in models because I was around them. So during the week i brought that back to school. My high school was an all girls catholic school. During lunch I would sit and look at the other girls to "see" if they were model material. I would tell the girls and my lunch friends if I thought they were model material.
I did not get it back then but the girls felt uneasy when I told them things like that. I would say "you are soo beautiful" "Have you ever thought of modeling?" "and you are tall enough too!". My friends really didnt pay much attention to what I said to them, they were in their own little worlds surrounded by thoughts of boys from the other catholic schools in the area.
I know now that they were so uneasy because of the comments I made. I also know that it was more than me just telling them they were beautiful. I was attracted to them and their beauty. I didn't even realize it at the time.
At my school I knew of a handful of girls who were lesbians. Most of them were doms/studs/tomboys and like two of them were femmes/lipsticks. I did not like the doms/studs/tomboys AT ALL. There was just something about them that I did not like. I was uncomfortable around them for some reason. I would probably relate it now to the uncomfortable the girls felt when I told them they were beautiful.
Years later I came out as a lesbian. I don't consider myself a femme. I've dated women that considered themselves doms/studs/tomboys and femmes. I admire the androgyny in women and now I have no problems with doms/studs/tomboys.
Its funny how things from your past that meant nothing to you turn out to me something significant.
Just exploring Evolving...
(to be continued)
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